Raise The Flags Of All Nations!
Now established as a Eurovision tradition (and everyone tries to forget that it started at Junior Eurovision), the twenty-six contestants will walk out on stage mixed in with the sort of fashion parade that demands Derek Zoolander. Unfortunately the US influence is not happening until a little bit later. Still, you can see who has nerves, who’s as cold as ice, and who has a light-up costume…
The Silent Netherlands
One of the most artistic moments of this highly-scripted Eurovision Song Contest comes during song 3. Douwe Bob’s backing track will go silent for ten seconds, and he’s going to trust the audience to deliver some magic for him to riff on. It could be an amazing moment of spontaneity, or it could be really awkward. What it will be is honest.
Where’s My Dress?
Probably the darling of the press room is returning singer Poli Genova. She failed to qualify in 2011, hosted Junior Eurovision 2015, and has taken Bulgaria back to Saturday night after far too long away. Couple that infectious enthusiasm with a carefully shot reveal of an outfit that should be gracing a big budget remake of Flash Gordon and a modern slice of energetic pop and you have a memorable moment.
And to top that, there’s a little surprise in the costume that helps illuminate the performance.
Why Are You Still Here?
They’re back (and this is why) but in a mix of Bladerunner, Minority Report, and a model doll from your Gran’s toilet, Dami Im is threatening to take the whole Contest back to Melbourne (okay, maybe Berlin) if she can jump down from the box without breaking her neck.
Here Is Where Song Chooses You
Speaking of jumping on a box without breaking a neck, Sergey Lazarev is on a high-risk strategy for Russia. It’s a solid banger of a song that would have done top ten in 2006… but it needs a little bit more in 2016. That little bit more is a climbing wall with rear projection, far too much CGI, and a requirement to hold on for dear life while singing the bridge of the song. It’s one the top, it’s garish, it’s everything some people think Eurovision should be… but it might be a bit too needy.
Smile
‘Russian technological walls and a buffed-up male singer’ versus ‘fan favourite Jamala singing on a darkened stage about the death of her great-grandmother. Put aside the Davdi and Gloiath nature of the fight, this is tremendously well-staged, technically difficult, and sung with raw power and emotion that will lead you drained.
They Will Echo In Your Perfect Ears
You’ll either love it for the rest of your life, or have an epileptic fit and curse Nika Kocharov from a darkened quiet room.
Justin Toilet Break
We really should point out Justin Timberlake’s appearance. It’s a six-minute medley of his latest hit single, some of his classics, and lots of ‘honestly I know what this You-Row-Vision thing is‘ moments. We’d suggest that you put the kettle on so you can enjoy the real interval act…
He’s big in America, but would he qualify at Eurovision (imagE: Anna Velikova / Eurovision.tv)
Destroying Everything You Ever Loved About The Song Contest
The real interval act is composed by Eurovision legend Fredrik Kempe, with lyrics by Edward af Sillén and Daniel Rehn. It’s a riot of colour, in jokes, broad humour, and if you want just a few things to watch out for, see if you can pick up the nods to Dima Bilan, Charlotte Perrelli, Lordi, Alexander Rybak, and Donatan & Cleo.
I’m pretty sure that this is going to be downloaded rather a lot if its available after the show.
The Jury Vote
The scoring system is slightly tweaked this year (with the jury votes and the public votes added together in aggregate, rather than the ‘averaged’ vote in previous years). That means the votes are going to be a little bit more scattershot in the lower points.
The big change is going to be how these are presented. The traditional calling up the spokespeople will still happen, but they will only be announcing the votes from the jury. The douze will be announced , while the other nine points (10,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1) will simply appear on the screen.
Once the jury scores are in, it’s only the halfway point. Then SVT switches on the Melodifestivalen stress machine.
Like the Melodifestivalen 2013 Voting but with your passport at the ready (image: SVT Direkt)
The Public Vote
At the edge of the stage, all the public votes will be added together in a big spreadsheet and the total point award to each country will be calculated. The lowest scoring country will have its total score read out by our hosts… then the second lowest, right the way up to the highest scoring county.
Which means that even with one score to be revealed at the end of the night, the result will still be in doubt.
Trust us, we’ve seen the rehearsals, this really (really) builds up the tension and excitement.
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