The question of whether the Eurovision Song Contest is at heart a music competition or a gimmick competition is one that has divided fans and critics since Bucks Fizz skirt-ripped their way into the record books back in 1981. In my opinion, the truth lies somewhere in the middle. The common thread that unites the most recent Eurovision winners is that they all managed to find the sweet spot between a great song and a compelling storytelling element, bringing song, singer and stage show into perfect alignment.
Over the years, the competing delegations have had to become ever more ambitious and creative in their search for this holy grail of mass musical and visual appeal. The moments when it all comes together are what TV magic are made of – but for every harmonious marriage of sound and vision, you can count on at least three ill-advised attempts to bolster an underwhelming song with a stage effect that reads as inappropriate at best and downright bewildering at worst. Here are some strong contenders for this year’s hall of shame…
Sad Pyro
Switzerland’s dazzling light show does little to disguise the lifeless nature of their song.
Photo: Eurovision.tv
Probably the laziest stage gimmick imaginable at this point – the ‘golden shower’ pyro effect can strike an effectively triumphal chord when paired with a song that genuinely sounds like a potential winner. However, an apologetic blast of fireworks at the end of a performance that clearly doesn’t warrant them only serves to highlight the stench of desperation.
This year Switzerland and Denmark are the worst offenders in this regard, both delivering lifeless, low-energy performances of mediocre songs, with crowbarred-in pyro effects that feel tonally jarring and add nothing to the overall package. The Swiss performance comes off particularly badly given that it’s followed by Israel, who also uses an illumination effect, but actually earn it by making their stage show look and feel appropriate to the song.
Random Acrobatics
The presence of a random acrobat feels distracting and inappropriate to Slovenia’s gentle country song.
Photo: Eurovision.tv
Whenever I’m asked to name my favourite Eurovision train wreck of all time, my immediate response is to cite the glorious insanity of Bulgaria’s 2009 entry, a quite serious-sounding quasi-operatic ballad called Illusion which, for reasons best known to themselves, the Bulgarian delegation that year chose to interpret onstage with a surreal combination of gothic costuming and high concept circus performance, culminating in a supposed backing singer who resembled Elvira, Mistress of the Dark seizing the moment with some genuinely alarming vocal theatrics while a couple on stilts threw each other around the stage with reckless abandon. Tragically, it was not a qualifier, but it will live on in my heart forever.
Tragically, that level of insanity is thin on the ground this year, but Slovenia have taken the strange decision of pairing a pleasant Taylor Swift-inspired country number with a random pole dancer who wanders on halfway through the performance and flings himself around the stage without ever appearing to acknowledge or interact with singer Manuella, let alone give any indication that his performance is supposed to be an interpretation of hers. So disconnected are the two performers, if I hadn’t seen it multiple times in rehearsals, I’d assume the acrobat was a particularly ambitious stage invader, rather than a paid-up member of Slovenia’s team for this year.
Holograms!
The combination of nudity, wolves and infants made Belarus memorable for all the wrong reasons.
Photo: Eurovision.tv
The possibility of incorporating hologram effects into a stage performance is a relatively new innovation for the Eurovision Song Contest, and for several performances this year it poses the question that just because you can do something, does it necessarily follow that you should? Armenia’s sparing employment of camera trickery to create multiples of singer Iveta feels genuinely artistic and enhances an already beautiful stage show. Georgia’s deranged combination of colour, noise, and inexplicable camera effects, on the other hand, is likely to be worth multiple shots at Eurovision drinking games, but it feels like a shot in the arm against a formidable wall of pop music and balladeers.
They Came From Outer Space!
The presence of a fully suited astronaut wasn’t enough to pull Moldova into the Saturday final.
Photo: Eurovision.tv
It says a lot about the Eurovision Song Contest that when the sadly departed Moldova brought a fully suited astronaut onstage on Tuesday night, the general reaction was a shrug of indifference. We’ve seen this gimmick on stage before, most notably from Montenegro in 2013, and while Moldova were leaning heavily on the cosmic inspiration behind their song, they failed make that connection register with the viewers at home, resulting in an early exit from the competition.
The Zelmerlöw Effect
The use of projection screens has seen a notable uplift since Måns Zelmerlöw’s victory in Vienna.
Photo: Eurovision.tv
Now, Måns Zelmerlöw did not invent the use of projection screens in stage performance, and the performers who are utilising them this year aren’t necessarily slavishly copying his ideas. But it is notable that we’re seeing a lot more of this effect in 2016, probably as a direct result of how well executed the ‘stick man‘ routine was in Vienna. Russia’s performance includes some incredible visual moments that could be enough to push Sergey’s high energy pop confection into pole position. However, personally I still feel that as a full performance it’s just that bit too frantic, and unlike Måns, the fact that you can clearly see where and how the screens are being used kills the magic a little. But that might just be my issue.
Iceland also did interesting – and to my mind, superior – work with the screens in the first semi final, and it was a huge surprise to see them outside Tuesday’s final ten. It’s possible that the stage show was just a little too dark and high concept to really resonate with the televiewers, or possibly Russia going on earlier stole their thunder. Or perhaps no matter how stunning Iceland’s stage show was, viewers at home just weren’t all that impressed with the song. As we head towards one of the most visually striking grand finals of all time, it’s interesting food for thought…
Haha, Bulgaria 2009 always raises a smile here too. Will never forget how hysterical my parents found it. They voted for it too.
When were projection screens used before Måns?
I can only think of a couple of colourful dresses from Azerbaijan and Moldova.
The Russian and Icelandic delegations should be ashamed for their shameless lack of imagination.