Sweden isn’t a country to do the Eurovision Song Contest by halves. As thousands of fans flock to Stockholm from every corner of the world, the city has laid on an exhaustive calendar of events to ensure that nary a moment goes by when there isn’t an ABBA retrospective or a doughty Eurovision diva taking to the stage in some corner of the capital.
The impulse to soak in every moment of this lunacy, combined with a marathon rehearsal schedule and the necessity of actually shaping our confused, constantly shifting impressions into something resembling readable punditry threatens to push the journalists into a mental state akin to a toddler dosed up on E-numbers and thrust into a branch of Toys ‘R’Us under strict instruction to choose one toy and one toy only.
In order to survive the fortnight with your wallet and your psychological wellbeing intact, it’s important to learn how to pick and choose the must-sees from the missables. This also involves being realistic about how many consecutive nights you can stagger out of Euroclub at 5am without at least one of your vital organs going into complete shutdown. In case you’re wondering, I can confirm that the magic number for the recently-past-thirty is now a tragic two.
Hera Björk’s one woman show finds an enthusiastic audience among the visiting Eurovision fans in Stockholm.
Photo: Playhouse Teater Stockholm
As an unapologetic schlager fanboy, one event that places at the top of the must-see list for me is Icelandic diva Hera Björk, making a play for the Ibsen-loving crowd with a one-woman show entitled The Queen of Effing Everything, and a flyer promising “Laughter, music and plenty of Eurovision”.
Having finished a disappointing 19th on her sole solo Eurovision participation in 2010, Björk is living proof that a high position final scoreboard is far from the only barometer of a successful entry. Whether you finish 3rd or 23rd, if you can get the fans on board, you can make your 3 minutes of Eurovision exposure go a very long way – and ‘Je Ne Sais Quoi‘ is the kind of entry a diva can dine out on for life.
Hosted in Stockholm’s intimate Playhouse Teater, The Queen of Effing Everything leans heavily on Björk’s exuberant personality and limitless reserves of charisma. At times it’s hilariously slapdash, with lyrics flubbed with reckless abandon and an onstage pianist having to prompt her constantly during a run of increasingly anarchic medleys. There’s no particular structure to the show, which meanders from half-formed anecdotes about her life and career to full-throttle covers of classic Eurovision hits, Operatic German lieder, dramatic Spanish ballads and highlights from her own back catalogue, but she has the audience eating out of her hand from start to finish regardless. Quite what the venue staff – who would be more used to hosting very serious-looking Swedish dramas – made of the whole thing is anyone’s guess.
This year’s official Euroclub is a purpose-built temporary venue in the heart of Stockholm’s old town.
The official Euroclub also delivers top quality fan service with multiple rooms pumping out non-stop Eurovision classics – some legitimate, some questionable – from sunset to sunrise, and a mix of Eurovision veterans and favourite faces from Sweden’s Melodifestivalen belting out their best-loved hits to a cider-fuelled crowd of revellers.
It’s not all key changes and eye-wateringly expensive alcohol though. Like Vienna, Stockholm also has a wealth of cultural highlights for the schlager-fatigued tourist to enjoy, and the influx of visitors and international press represents an excellent opportunity for the city to promote them. Walking tours are heavily promoted at the press centre, promising unique insights into the capital’s unique infrastructure and history. Sweden’s enormous contribution to global popular music is also a point of pride that goes far beyond their Eurovision achievements, and visitors are also invited to learn more on a guided outing to the venues and studios that have hosted some of the world’s biggest and most influential recording artists.
Somewhat counterintuitively, the second and final week of the season actually offers something of a breather for the attendant press, with the last of the all-day rehearsal marathons giving way to free mornings and late afternoon dress rehearsals. This means we’re finally in a position to take in some of these cultural highlights and actually soak up some of the glorious Swedish sunlight we’ve briefly glimpsed on our way in and out of the press centre over the past seven days. Personally, I’m hoping to blast off the cobwebs with a combination of woodwork, rollercoasters and bear-handling at the Skansen open air museum, zoo and adjacent Grona Lund amusement park at some point in the next few days – and of course a pilgrimage to the ABBA museum, just to keep the symptoms of Euro-pop withdrawal at bay…