Support ESC Insight on Patreon

Nine innovations we think Eurovision should consider Written by on June 13, 2011 | 9 Comments

Next week sees the Reference Group meeting where the initial plans for the 2012 Eurovision Song Contest will be discussed. So we here at ESC Insight decided to help out whatever subcommittee is looking at “ways to improve the show” with our Top Nine suggestions that would improve the Light Entertainment credentials of our favourite show.

And once you’ve made your way through our nine, let us know how you’d bring a smile to the show for next year.

Stop doing the comedy introductions during voting

It’s a simple request. I know we all like the “Hello Dusseldorf” moments, but after that, the comedy needs to stop. Because if that was jettisoned, the announcers could, in one breath, read out the the lower ranking points (from 1 to 7). Don’t bother with the hosts repeating these scores, just read them out and at least allow the casual viewers to hear the country names being read out.

Thirteen of Azerbaijan’s scores were never heard in 2011. There must be another way.

Change the scoreboard

Speaking of the voting, I miss the days when the big reveal of the scoreboard happened, and everyone watching got their first look at what the host country had put together. Except it’s had the same TV presentation (albeit with a different background colour) for the last few years. Time to loosen up the presentation rules and allow for some innovation and excitement in 2012.

Sort out a Eurovision episode of Glee

If we’re going to get the Eurovision Song Contest into America, we need to start somewhere, and I can’t think of a better place to promote the Song Contest in a hit TV show that has songs, and a contest around them (the almost mythical Nationals). In two years they’ve played one Abba track (“Dancing Queen”) but happily brought out music from the archive nobody really admits to remembering (Run Joey Run? Really?), sung original compositions, and murdered some favourites.

Brittany. Shady Lady. Deal?

Glee needs Eurovision

Glee needs Eurovision

Bring in a Joker from the Semi-Finals

One of the great losses with the introduction of the semi-final concept is that the quirky songs, the garish costumes, the wonderful moments of “What the…” are generally left behind on Tuesday or Thursday. We need to guarantee more acts like Zdob si Zdob for Saturday night. Therefore I propose we have a special judging panel that will put through the most comedic composition that didn’t qualify. So the Big Five, the host, 18 qualifiers, and one joker.

A bit of slapstick from The Chuckle Brothers

It’s time for a truly memorable interval act, one that brings in performance, music, choreography and especially entertainment. The Norwegian Flash Mob was a nice idea on the night, but it was essentially ten minutes of Europeans attempting to dance.

Eurovision needs the greatest light entertainers of a generation. They need the longest running sitcom on British television to put together eight minutes of perfect humour.

Step forward Paul and Barry Chuckle singing their follow up to “Silly Me Silly You,” the Eurovision tinged “To You, To Me. To Me, To You.”

One Eurovision song to the tune of another

Time to lift from one of the most successful radio shows that “4” has ever given the world, namely “I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue“. The antidote to panel games has a round called “One song to the tune of another”, a highly complicated structure described once as:

…we take a selection of songs and switch the words around between them. It might help to think of the songs as Grand Prix racing cars and their drivers. All the drivers could easily get out and swap cars in any combination, and it wouldn’t matter which car with which driver – you’d still have the unrivalled spectacle of grown men dressed in romper suits driving mobile fag packets round in circles for two hours.

We have songs, we have singers, and we need to shake it up a bit. how about at the same time you make a draw for the running order, the performers draw for which song they are going to sing?

Think of the combinations! Jedward singing Songu, Eric Saade going all swedish with Running Scared, Dino Merlin’s version of A Luta E Alegria, Ell and Nikki attempting Boom-Boom, or Blue singing anything else – all with Colin Sell on the piano.

Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy

Let’s be honest, there would be comparisons to Dustin the Turkey, but after that was made, everyone would fall in love with whatever number is sent over by The Muppets. Of course they’d be paired up with a human singer… can we have Raphael Gualazzi back?

He’s already written the perfect song…

Bring back the transcription subtitles

Perhaps another one that gave the BBC presentation so much charm were the team who provided the live subtitles on Ceefax. Nowadays they have a script to work through, and all the song lyrics well in advance. But back in the 80’s the show was transcribed live. Forget your Twitter and Facebooks, watching the last sentence deleted and retyped, live, was some of the earliest “text commentary” fun with Eurovision. Loose the polish, let’s have that back for the world to enjoy.

Or just let Italy host it again.

Paul put it best when he discussed this year’s return of Italy.

1991 has gone down in infamy as being perhaps one of the most cringe-worthy, most uncomfortable contests to watch. And for that reason I personally absolutely love it. The Italians decided that if you didn’t speak their language then tough. No English, no French, just Italian. Toto and Gigliola; regularly interrupting each other, both not really seeming to know why they, or anyone else for that matter, was there. Compelling viewing from start to finish.

It’s about time we returned to a contest as memorable as 1991.

This really happened, Italy opens the 1991 Contest

This really happened...

Right, that’s our nine, but these lists are traditionally ten. So it’s over to you and some blue sky thinking. How would you improve the Song Contest with your tongue ever so slightly in your cheek?

About The Author: Ewan Spence

British Academy (BAFTA) nominated broadcaster and writer Ewan Spence is the voice behind The Unofficial Eurovision Song Contest Podcast and one of the driving forces behind ESC Insight. Having had an online presence since 1994, he is a noted commentator around the intersection of the media, internet, technology, mobility and how it affects us all. Based in Edinburgh, Scotland, his work has appeared on the BBC, The Stage, STV, and The Times. You can follow Ewan on Twitter (@ewan) and Facebook (facebook.com/ewanspence).

Read more from this author...

You Can Support ESC Insight on Patreon

ESC Insight's Patreon page is now live; click here to see what it's all about, and how you can get involved and directly support our coverage of your Eurovision Song Contest.

Have Your Say

9 responses to “Nine innovations we think Eurovision should consider”

  1. Anthony says:

    Honestly I love the idea of a joker song to be let through, for all those times that a song that was so brilliant like “Cipela” was not let in due to the jury saving someone else from doom. But really A Luta Al elgria woul be a severe no-no for anyone on that Saturday night. Scoreboard chnage would be good as well, allow the points to fly off to each nation from the announcing nation, that would be brilliant. Finally they need to stick some sort of rules on the announcing of votes, sorry but this year Poland milked it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DW1jbtbvqCw stop them form causing a huge let down.

  2. Seán says:

    I agree with your first idea. But the Glee idea is the stuff of my nightmares.

    How about breaking up the UK into it’s four countries. Northern Ireland, Scotland, Wales and England. This may give them a fighting chance and shut the media about the “Horrors of block voting”.

    As regard the interval I think for the semis a big name artist like Lady Gaga or Katy Perry should be asked to perform – it would be a great platform for them to launch a new album.

  3. Ewan Spence says:

    If the UK broke apart (like Football) we’d be in a similar situation to Ireland, with maybe 16-20 points guaranteed from the semi-finals. There’s no way that all four would get “Big” status and if England were allowed it and not Scotland, you’d never hear the end of it. Maybe make the National Final in the UK a home nations competition, yes, but not at the EBU stage.

  4. Anthony says:

    I agree with Ewan on the staging of the UK contest, we need to stretch it out to allow big name acts to perform and let a panel of bother voters and judges chose the artists to go through. This would risk another Scooch or Andy Abrahams but would allow the public to decide correctly like in 2009 and 2010 (ish). The BBC should try and get a Melodi Festivalen feel to the contest or even a MGP influence into the selection process, regional finals and voting. In the final they should use the regional voting Eurovision system, so spliting the UK into 10 different regions and then having international juries would be better and could give us the results Sweden got this year.

  5. Andrew Webb says:

    Splitting the UK into regions would be a good idea for the UK Final (should we get one).
    But one main thing to spice it up would be the semi finalist picking their running order in the main show than in the press conference which ruined the suspense.

    Plus bring back the 1998 style scoreboard in B’ham where the amount of points given would see the country grow in size….(which was used for a few countries) so why not bring that back?

  6. Sharleen says:

    Glee. Eurovision. Together. Thats my dream.
    Kurt doing “In the disco” by Deen. Rachel doing ‘Diva’. yes?

  7. Samantha says:

    …Artie singing “Popular” (with a wheelchair-accessible exploding box, of course)? A Verka Serduchka tracksuit for Sue Sylvester? Finn singing “My Star”, awkward dancing included…and I’m imagining Rachel singing “Shine” (Georgia’s, not the Netherlands), “The Silence that Remains”, or even the English version of “Molitva”…

    Yeah, I’ve thought about this way too much… 😉

  8. Finn doing ‘My Star’ will ruin my love of Brainstorm forever.
    On the other hand, I’d love to see the cast do ‘Shine’ ala Toppers.

  9. Emma says:

    Oh God–I LOVE your idea of mixing up the songs and singers. That’s hilarious! It could be a surprise for all the performers too, so then they’d have to learn the song really quickly. And all the betting markets will be thrown off–say the least telegenic performer sings the best song from second in the running order…it would be CHAOS! I looooove it!

    I too have thought of a EuroGlee. Unfortunately, they would probably butcher it. And Sharleen, I too imagined Rachel singing Shine. And Rachel and Finn would end up doing some peppy duet like In A Moment Like This. On the other hand, though…do we really want Americans in on Eurovision? I like to consider myself one of the few American born and raised ESC fans. They’d probably want in and ruin it with crappy American rap then whine about the voting blocs.

    As for how I would improve it…

    Maybe during the semis when the 10 qualifiers are announced, the performers could all be standing on stage instead of in the green room. They could leave one by one as they qualify.

    I’d love that for the final but I understand it’s important to watch people vote. Imagine, though! The placement could be read from 25th up and by the end it would be super suspenseful. Raphael and Eric and Ell & Nikki standing tensely onstage together and glaring at each other, hoping they’re not the ones called off next. And people could boo when their favorite gets called off sooner than they wanted:) But I know the voting can be fun to watch too…this is just me daydreaming.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *